(Written Monday 1st October)
I found out on Friday that I was to be released from hospital today (Monday). Freedom!
A little scary, though, to think of the attention-level drop; here in hospital, I get my blood pressure, oxygen levels and temperature taken dozens of times a day, as many urine and blood tests as a boy could ask for, plus painkiller-dispensing nurses on-call around the clock. The docs on my case are on the same corridor, can stick heads through doors for quick chats if necessary, and there’s always A&E downstairs in case of any crazy 2am panic emergencies. At home, I will be equipped with a thermometer (yes, mouth versions do exist in France), the hospital’s telephone number, and several sizes of plastic buckets.
Seems like my right kidney shared some of these concerns, as it threw a wobbly this morning, demanding an x-ray and ultrasound (two floors and three floors down respectively) as well as the standard urine and blood tests to confirm that yes, it is dilated and painful and probably being bullied around by some rogue ganglion somewhere, but no, it has not been infected again nor is not about to leap out of my body and run screaming around the room.
So the end result of this is, I’m still writing this from my hospital bed on Monday evening, but the docs know what the problem is with the kidney, what to do if it gets worse (I can have the same sort of tube that I’ve already got in my left kidney stuck in the right one too, to let it drain properly and leave that ganglion frustrated and snarling), and my pain medication dosages have been not-so-gently bumped up.
But tomorrow, Tuesday, I should be out of here and back home - unless some other random body part decides to get its say in first. I should probably make it clear am very, very happy about the prospect. Even if I’ll be back in again for a few days in less than two weeks - the ratio should be more like a few days in, a few weeks out, which will be wonderful.
So as of tomorrow, I should have internet access again, but I’ll also probably, like today and most of the weekend just passed, I’ll be sleeping. So I guess updates will remain as sporadic as ever - and also there’s only so much I can crib from “hey guys, I’m ill, that’s different!” before it starts wearing thin. But I will make a start on my email - thank you to everybody who’s written and who I haven’t replied to. I’ve been so touched - but ok, not going there again tonight. I need to sleep and not get the keyboard all soggy.
Night all.
(Written Fri 4th October - like, right now!)
Of course nothing ever goes quite how you expect - my right kidney continued to play silly buggers Tuesday, and ended up needing a new little tube stuck in Wednesday evening. But as soon as the docs were sure that nothing was falling out in a hurry, and that the tube seemed to have done the trick (massive reduction in pain, with the only extra side effect so far being bubbly red urine - works for me) they let me come home yesterday afternoon.
Soon I might have a go at trying to unpick the sense of unreality (and joy, and terror, and, well, you get the picture) at returning to my flat after a month in hospital - but it’s all still a little too close for the moment much, and I’m just really resting. And eating. I’m on a very low-salt diet, but my dad has been calling in all his culinary and scientific skills to create pies and soups and curries that contain microscopic quantities of salt yet have not even the hint of a taste of cardboard. I wept at last night’s cottage pie, and ate a portion that was perhaps half the size of my head.
New things I’ve found in my flat to explore in more detail:
- An enormous and beautiful bunch of flowers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will post a photo soon. They are magnificent.
- An electric bed with a really nice mattress where the head section goes up and down. Possibly the best toy ever, and almost as importantly, I slept really well last night for the first time since dinosaurs ruled the earth.
- An oxygen cylinder the size and shape of a dalek, with a huge long extension cable that lets me wander around anywhere in the flat - except the kitchen, where I’m not allowed anyway in case I blow myself up on something combustible. Plus a detachable, refillable version - so when I get my strength up, I can wander outside the flat and be a danger to smokers everywhere.
Right - to post, and sleep. And I can’t wait to start getting properly and individually in touch, with everyone, but for the moment, I’m going to keep on asking for patience as I take things slowly - it’s all still a little overwhelming. But thank you all for everything.
All my love and amazed appreciation.
23 responses so far ↓
Ben Gilmore // October 5, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Sounds like your still possitive and on top of it all. It’s good to read your posts and find out how your doing…
pm // October 5, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Hi Joe
Lots of love and thoughts from the South.
That’s great - so glad you’re home. and still sounding so good
giles (palmer) // October 5, 2007 at 3:29 pm
you make me smile joe. have a good weekend… do you need dvds? i have a stack of em if you’re interested - real eclectic mix too - from dear hunter to my little pony the movie (never got the recognition it deserved in the cinema imho)
also just want to let you know although we’re all happy that you are positive, don’t feel liek you have to be all the time mate although i know you are one of lifes half-full types
allez les anglais
giles (palmer) // October 5, 2007 at 3:30 pm
have to be for our sakes that is…..
ruth looneyfish // October 5, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Sympathise with the kidney stuff….went through a load of that myself last year - uncooperative little bastards that they are- who’d have thought a load of calcium could cause so much pain? Mind you, in a Greek hospital, everything is a much bigger drama than it needs to be. Doctor: ‘What why didn’t you tell me you were allergic to this radio-active crap that we are pumping through your veins and your kidneys’ Me: ‘cos I didn’t know….oh shit, I’m swelling up and can’t breathe….’ Doctor: ‘we can’t treat you for this until you tell us your ID number and tax code’ Me: ‘aaafsafdhkaggfggggdsdfhasjgththethyoubunchoftotalandutterwankersfghghdhdfhsdfkththtth’ (but all in greek….) endless hours of fun!!
Other amusing episodes include nurses shouting out details of your urine samples in public….
enough - very glad you are in a civilised hospital and sending you loads of sparkly sunshiny stuff.
ruth
Barnoid // October 5, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Wow, your own oxygen tank! Time to make stuff burn which really didn’t ought to burn. I want to see photos and video of the experiments please.
Keep up the good healing, we’re all rooting for you.
Claire Cook (Hoogakker) // October 5, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Your bed sounds cool!! You should put one of those memory foam matress toppers on there. those are SWEET!
Be strong and keep fighting the bastard!
Caro // October 6, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Hey Joe!
Emilie told me about your blog this morning, so I thought I’d just come round and have a look.
I’m so happy you’re back at your place having loads of fun with your new toys…Make the most of them as I’m sure you won’t need them very long…you know, once you have developped all those superpowers.
I hope I’ll be able to say hello for real on Wed. In the meantime, have all the “fancy food” your dad can cook…
Mimis mate!
Zulq // October 7, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Hey Joe! Good to hear you’re mobile, even if you are explosive. We’re all thinking about you. Looking forward to your next post. Z.
Cori // October 8, 2007 at 1:38 am
Gah, technorati grassed your blog up to me, I fling myself enthusiastically at the comments box — and what happens?! WordPress eats my first post. Well, I hope it tasted good, PressyPops. And that it comes out the other end in the form of a virtual cactus. Pot first.
It was such a profound post, that I hardly remember a word of it, except to note that I’m pretty sure mobile explosivity is a splendid new income opportunity for you … just consider the firework displays, barbecues and industrial bakeries you can be paid NOT to visit.
Wishing you well, Joe, take care.
Diane // October 8, 2007 at 11:22 am
glad to hear you’ve been given time off for good behaviour, try not to blow anything up
Diane
LizzyG // October 8, 2007 at 2:32 pm
hey Joe, Really glad to hear that you’ve been freed from the grip of those French nurses and can enjoy being at home. It’s great to hear your positivity and I have to say that your writing is really funny and engaging … I think there is a novelist in you just waiting to burst out.
take care and sending you healthy vibes via the ether.
Lizzy gray
alx // October 8, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Hope that novelist doesn’t come bursting out of you Alien-stylee. You’ve got quite enough on yr plate health-wise as it is.
-alx
Cori // October 8, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Oh, I think this’d be the perfect time, alx — just get everything over and done with in one go.
“Hi doc, yes, can I get a full-on big C treatment and a quick caesarian for my novelistic tendencies..?”
“No problem, Mr H. While we’re there, can I interest you in one of our excellent hysterectomies, they’re on special offer this month! And of course you already qualify for a free manicure. Enjoy!”
Burd // October 8, 2007 at 11:28 pm
For some reason I have a mental image of French hospital canteens being like a little Parisian brasserie with red check table cloths.
Steve Wood // October 9, 2007 at 11:22 am
Yo Joe - No salt huh - how about curry spices? Are they allowed? You could substitute salt with GaraMasala.
Perhaps not. Resting, Eating, Sleeping - sounds almost like what I do at Xmas 
Take it easy dude
Hugs
S
giles (Mark E. Boy) // October 9, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Sounds like what I do all year round.
Steph // October 9, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Really good to hear you’re home - cottage pie (minus salt!) and being back in your own space has gotta be cool. As for your own oxygen cylinder, hold on to that - a few breaths after a heavy night out sorts you right out! Thoughts are with you, keep posting.. Take care, Steph. x
James B // October 10, 2007 at 11:30 am
Nice one Joe, glad to hear that you’re back home (hopefully you can get Richard and Judy through cable).
Thanks for the posts, they are really moving, and your attitude to the whole thing is absolutely exceptional mate - you are the man.
Laura // October 10, 2007 at 7:27 pm
The Norwegian contingent also sends its support
- Love from Laura, Sverre and Solveig
Daniel Hart // October 11, 2007 at 3:45 am
Damn, you rely on your DAD to cook good food? I thought all he did was drink wine and answer every trivial pursuit question relation to 1950s pop music!
He has some talents I am unaware of, it seems clear.
Geoff, if you are reading, I absorbed every one of those questions and I shall thrash you next time.
Joe, hope to see you soon - I met the singer from Smilex, sold £800 worth of Radiohead tickets for South Park gig, made a loss, and have never yet met your brother. Hmm. Makes me sound like a sleazy Oxford operator. Nah, I learnt my lesson, which is “if you befriend scouser touts, accept that you are the lowest of the low”.
Long time ago! Write to me when you can.
Dan
Ruy & Debora // October 14, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Hei dude… all that sort of thing we don’t tick for when we are borne. Well, get youself sorted asap.
Have our thoughts and heart with you, mate. Sam’s and Ed’s too.
Will keep tuned.
Daniel Hart // October 16, 2007 at 6:38 am
OK so you are quoting Tom Waits now? I am gagging to hear what sort of music you love the most!
Leave a Comment